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Random Topics - Parenting
To discuss if being a parent has boned the fish or not. Thought of it when seeing kids at stores at 10pm or later when it used to be (and indeed, not that long ago) that kids their age would be in bed by then.
Though that's only one issue.
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Actually, I consider myself as spoiled...but my parents somehow manage to instill in me nevertheless that getting all the nice things did not mean that I was entitelt to get them. And that it is important to wear a jeans, not a jeans with the right logo on it. -- Submitted By: (Swanpride) on December 30, 2009, 3:15 pm - (0 votes)
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One thing I've been thinking lately about the whole 'the kids of today are spoiled brats' that people tend to say. To be honest, I don't know if I'd say brats but yes, they do tend to be spoiled.
However, I think there's something we need to consider.
Yes, kids of today and of recent generations are spoiled (in general of course). I could list ways they're spoiled but I'm sure that everyone has their own idea of what spoiled entails so I'll refrain.
It's not their fault they're growing up in an era with all this cool stuff. Or more so, it's not their fault if their older relatives didn't.
I think we need to remember one important thing. The adults of today have access to all the same things the kids of today have access to.
Once you get down to it, adults of today are spoiled as well. Think of the things the adults of today have compared to the things their/your parents had say 30 years ago.
Let's face it, I'm sure then when we were the age of the kids of today you think of when you say the kids of today that the adults of back then said similar things about us. -- Submitted By: (ExplodingConsole) on December 28, 2009, 12:01 pm - (0 votes)
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In response to Swanpride's message (I know it's a bit late. Better late then never I guess) the problem in the last decade or two seems to be a real lack of discipline and respect for other people. However, it's not just in kids, I think it's in everyone. Well, not *everyone* everyone but in a lot of people.
For one example, I see a lot more people doing U-turns even in busy intersections where doing a U-turn will slow down everyone behind them.
It's almost as though, rather then looking out for one another, we're taking on an attitude of every man, woman and child for themselves.
When it comes to the kids, it goes well beyond kids being up and about at 10pm when people who were those kids age say 10-20 years ago and beyond would have been in bed by 10pm.
I've also noticed that the sorts of things that 10-15 years ago that one simply didn't say in public (in private perhaps) that people are now much more open about saying. Maybe the Internet is partly to blame what with it allowing people to be more public with the sorts of things they could never be public with before (without people giving them a dirty look anyway).
It's almost as if -- well, I can't help but think of Pinocchio and the whole Pleasure Island scenario. What ever happened the dangers of saying and doing what we please and only thinking of ourselves that that movie warned us against? Yes, the consequences it showed were symbolic but the lesson still applies. Whatever happened to encouraging people to listen to that voice in our head saying 'maybe you shouldn't say saying/doing this.'?
I say this as it applies to parenting in that kids can at times be a microcosm of humanity.
I think we're seeing issues that exist in people of all ages and that the "kids of today" are a reflection of those issues. -- Submitted By: (ExplodingConsole) on December 7, 2009, 11:32 pm - (0 votes)
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Some people should not be allowed to breed -- Submitted By: (PYLrulz) on December 7, 2009, 6:26 pm - (0 votes)
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KungFuSpinda, I'd like to invite you to Childfreez.com if you are not already a member. You would fit right in. -- Submitted By: (Melissa) on December 7, 2009, 5:11 pm - (0 votes)
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The key thing people need to understand is that having kids is a choice. If you do not want to take the time to be a good parent, don't have them. (Or if you just plain don't like kids or don't want to parent, don't have them.) Many parents are stupid today because so many are just plain lazy and don't want to take the time to raise their kids right. I think these are the people who should not have children. If you do not want to take the time to properly raise another human being, then don't have kids. The childfree lifestyle is a great one for many, and much more suited than the "childed" lifestyle for those who do not want to devote so much of their life to a child. It's shocking how many people think kids are an obligation or "just something everyone does eventually." If people would think this decision through and realize it's optional, the amount of bad parents out there could be reduced. -- Submitted By: (KungFuSpinda) on October 25, 2009, 6:14 pm - (0 votes)
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That is an interesting point. I suppose the question is, why is this happening? What's changed in the past however many years to influence kids to behave this way? -- Submitted By: (ExplodingConsole) on October 22, 2009, 1:00 pm - (0 votes)
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I am not so sure about that...yes, a lot of complains about "Kids today" can mostly chalk up to the normal generation conflict. Kids have a different idea about politness aso. And that is okay. But I don't even understand people who are only five years or less younger than me. When I was in school, it wasn't unusual for the boys in my class to scruffle sometimes. But they had some kind of codex. Watching the younger kids shortly before I left school I noticed that they didn't follow this codex anymore. For them it was totally normal to kick a fallen opponent in the face. The children in my class begann to experiment with alkohol and smoking around the age of 14. Later there were eleven years old in front of the school, having a smoke.
When I began to attend university I had to sit in the first 10 rows to made sure that I could follow the course undisturbed. Later I had to sit in the first two rows, or it was likely that I wouldn't understand anything what the professor said. -- Submitted By: (Swanpride) on October 20, 2009, 8:56 pm - (0 votes)
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I would seem that in any era, kids are kids and teens are teens. Just like adults are adults. It's easy forget that we were once that age and no different (in manor of speaking).
Yes, it's ironic that as adults, we may well find ourselves acting the same as the adults of our time as kids and teens.
While people do seem more vocal in this day and age about 'the kids of today', consider that nowadays people have a lot more venues to express that concern. The Internet allows us to express (and to see others express) what perhaps before we could only express in letters to the editor and among friends or co-workers. In short, I think we're seeing so much more of it now simply because increased communications have allowed us to. It also allows us to (via the activities of kids and teens online) to see perhaps unfiltered access to their thoughts and feelings about things. The same thoughts (at least in spirit) that again, people have probably always had.
I'm sure that if the Internet existed 20 years ago as it does now that people would have been saying the same things.
That's not to say that I'm blaming the problems with "the kids of today" on the Internet. It's more that it's showing us problems that have always existed via the increased communication that it's created.
In the end, I think this is a problem that isn't going to go away because it's an issue that's always existed. While that may seem pessimistic, remember that they *will* grow up. Just as we look back and remember some of our bad behaviour and cringe, they will too.
-- Submitted By: (ExplodingConsole) on October 20, 2009, 2:42 pm - (0 votes)
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Exploding Console has just made the suggestion I was about to make - that part of the problem is parents who want to be *friends* with their kids. I don't think this is practical - kids need to have limits, parents have to impose these limits, and as a parent that means sometimes you have to be the heavy, rather than buddy-buddy. I guess part of the problem is that when both parents get home from work, they're stressed out, and the last thing they want to do is exercise some control on the kids. Mind you, I think there has always been a certain amount of nostalgic "these kids today aren't anywhere near as well behaved as we were when WE were kids!". Here's an example: "I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on
frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words... When I was young, we were taught to be discreet and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly disrespectful and impatient of restraint" (Hesiod, 8th century BC). -- Submitted By: (Eugene) on October 19, 2009, 6:27 am - (0 votes)
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I suppose my next question is why that demographic is that way.
I think part of the problem is that the cost of living went up in the 90s. Suddenly, you needed two incomes in order to be practical. Two parents meant the kids spent more time in day care or more the parents spent less time with the kids (among other issues of course).
I do also tend to agree with the idea of people having kids for the wrong reason(s). I do agree that people should not have kids if they'll be doing so because they feel it's cool to be parent, because all their friends are getting married and having kids or because they feel obligated to get married and have kids. I admit that I can't help but think of Elaine's friend from Seinfeld. (ie, the 'you gotta have baby Elaine' one).
Having a child(ren) should indeed be one of life's greatest gifts. However it should also be one of life's biggest and most important responsibilities.
Another issue seems to be that the parents of today (although I wonder if people have been saying this for generations in the same way they've been referring to the "kids of today" for thousands of years) want to be cool. Now, I'm sure lots of people have grown frustrated with adults that seem out of touch and/or uncool. However, as some say, you need to be your kid's parent first and their friend second.
I think that's definitely part of it today. People are so worried about being cool that they forget that to be a good parent (or authority figure) that you can't always be cool first.
I know that's not the entire issue but I do feel that's part of it. -- Submitted By: (ExplodingConsole) on October 16, 2009, 12:02 pm - (0 votes)
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I would say in the last 20 years, because the late baby-boomers and early GenXers began reproducing. This demographic (born late 50's...mid-late 60's) are so "Me Me ME", that kids were spawned almost as a status symbol. Almost a competition in a way...everyone else was starting a family...so typical late Boomer/GenXer wants to start a family, just to keep up! Then, when the blessed event is harder to care for than, say, a puppy, they resent it because they are too selfish to see that parenting is the greatest gift and most important job of all. Suddenly, Stay-At-Home-Soccer-Mom is "unfulfilled" and wants a "career" and resents being a mother. She throws the kids in every extra-curricular activity possible, so she can her her "me" time, the kids are inundated with practice, rehearsals, school, plus with school and homework the kids end up on Ritalin. It's so sad.
*This does not refer to ALL late baby boomers or GenXers..just many I've observed.* -- Submitted By: (Stephanie) on October 13, 2009, 6:56 am - (0 votes)
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I think, it began much earlier, and that three different factors came into play:
1. Parenting used to be a family matter. There was not only two parents, there were Grandparents, aunts, uncles, who would look after the children. Today, it is often only one parent who has to do everything alone and can't rely on the suggestions of other parents when he or she gets presented with a problem.
2. Families used to be larger. If you are growing up with siblings, you have more social interaction from the very beginning. And children used to play on the streets, with each other, so they had lots of social contacts outsite of the familie. Children today are spending to much time in front of the TV or the Computer (nothing against a TV or a Computer, but not for hours a day).
3. With the 68 came the trend to think that discipline is something bad. Which is utter nonsense...and with discipline I don't mean spanking or similiar, I mean that you can expect from a four year old that it can sit still in church for half an hour insteat of letting it roam around free between the benches. Now, two-three generations later we have parents who have no idea how to disclipline a child. -- Submitted By: (Swanpride) on October 13, 2009, 4:39 am - (0 votes)
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One question is, people have been raising kids since humanity has been around. What's changed in the past 20 years or so? Why the sudden problems with kids and teens (other then the issues that have been around since humanity has been around)? I seem to recall the 90s being when a lot of these problems started. Or was it just that I was getting to be old enough to notice these things? I mean, people always refer to the 'kids of today' when they speak of these sorts of issues. There is that quote I used in my initial post so I'm not so sure this is a new thing.
But if it is a new thing, what's causing it? -- Submitted By: (ExplodingConsole) on October 13, 2009, 12:10 am - (0 votes)
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The Question is not if one should strike a child or not. But what people don't get is that there are acually three kinds of child abuse. There is the kind of abuse which is punishable by law (hitting aso), there is neglect (today most commenly done by using the TV and the playstation as babysitter)and there is the third version: Giving your child everything. And this isn't even a problem of the rich ones alone. I mean, I watch a TV show were a mother gets a room decorated for her daughter. This mother has a home with a big bedroom and a really small one, and she has two daughters. The older one (around 8)gets the bigger bedroom, the smaller one (around 5) gets the small one and the mother actually sleeps in the livingroom....what for? There is no reason why she shouldn't put both childreen in the bigger room and use the smaller one as a recluse for herself. And it doesn't stop there. In a world, where parents go to the TV because they can't handle their own children, something is seriously wrong! -- Submitted By: (Swanpride) on October 10, 2009, 2:46 pm - (1 votes)
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The problem with parenting, that is, the act of raising kids is that everyone has a different idea as to what is and is not an acceptable.
One major issue that has cropped up in recent years (well, not so recent, it seemed to start in the 90s) is the issue of discipline or more or the lack of discipline.
I'm sure there has always been the debate over spanking. To be honest, that one issue makes me glad I'm not a parent. I just can't see myself not only striking a child but being all right with it. Something about it seems very tasteless and strikes (sorry) me as a loss of control and ruling by fear. Whatever happened to teaching kids to have a sense of right and wrong and not doing wrong because they don't want to do wrong?
That's not to say don't discipline them. I agree that one needs to teach children (not just kids, but everyone) that there are consequences for their actions. However, making someone afraid to do bad rather then not doing bad because it's wrong feels wrong to me.
People talk of "the kids of today" as though they were never kids much in the same way they speak of seniors as though they will never be old. However, consider this quote, "Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers."
Sounds like something someone today might say doesn't it? However, it wasen't a modern parent that said this. It was Socrates that said it, around 2500 years ago. -- Submitted By: (ExplodingConsole) on October 10, 2009, 11:38 am - (0 votes)
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